Ditched the princess today. Notwithstanding her cravings for Galare waffles ice cream, I chose to cancel our Saturdate. It's not an easy task, especially having to calm a sulking girl. No wonder there's a saying which says, "bila perempuan merajuk, padahnya buruk". haha. I can't agree more. 

Well, I'm not spared from it or maybe, my respond would be worst. Prolly because I followed too much of my emotions that I cant seem to control them. Dee and Wats always say that one should be godly-patient in order to be with me. They are one pair of my girlfriends who knows be the best. This reminds me so much about what the boy once said once upon a time, that I shouldnt let my emotions be my master, instead I should be the one taking charge of them. He tolerated with my temperamental attitude well enough. I promised before him that I'll change but.... sadly, it seems that I don't. 

"But plz, things that i teach u in our journey. do remmber it, and cherish it. every single moment. It helps in ur daily life. Hopefully it can help u bring far, Insyaallah. Senantiase doa atasmu dalam doaku. Ingat wahai sayang."

Part of the last email I received before his gone. When I close my eyes, I feel being in your embrace...and why is that so? No, I'm no longer hoping for him... but maybe I'm still living in his love.......his non-existance love which still exists to me. Maybe by this, I could stop myself from loving another. Maybe. And if yes, so be it. I can't afford to go through another tribulation. My heart is too numb for another round. 

Anyhow, it's funny how sometimes when you tried all means to get away from crossing into a situation, that's when you would find yourself submerging into it, slowly and effortlessly. It's funny when you said your life is still complete even without having to share it with the other... but you realised it seems better and you feel stronger when your path collides with..... his. oh, what does that mean? It's funny how you'd say you had enough of all tearing and disappointment you went through in the past but you cant stop the urge to feel it once again when it comes to......him. And, it's super hilarious how you'd vowed to never give in to any soul but obediently you did/would to.....him. 

.......

Maybe I should run. And if I cant, I should walk instead. And if i still can't, I'll have to crawl.... away and not forward. 

Silence and Absence may be bitter in the beginning. But like medicines, it will definitely heal, wouldn't they? If this is a feeling, it'll neutralise soon. I mean, it has to.

"Dejavu di Kinabalu"... Somehow I find this drama is relatable with what I went and going through..