Monday 6 April 2015, 21:36
It's interesting how I used to dislike the fact that Bond had to replace the first leader somewhere 8 months ago... but now, at this very instance, I wish I am still under him.. under his supervision. Hilarious.
Ever since Boon was replaced by him, I learnt what independence actually is. That was when I learnt to appreciate and take pride of my own work.. especially my OWN submission, which I had to send to the big bosses. Boon was like a parent, baby-sitted me completely while Bond's presence forced me to outgrown from my skin and out from my shell. Which therein, helped me to understand and realised my true potential.
Sometimes, having a change of environment is not a bad thing afterall.... especially when you are forced to acknowledge the change and forced to adapt.. You would never know opportunities may actually lies in that pressure held upon you.
And now, I had a change of team again, which involves in the change of leader... a change of team mates... and a change of air..... Nevertheless, I know I will survive, especially with an advice given from a colleague, "you find what you seek". Thank you, Fal! :)
Az is actually a nice, caring and thoughtful person to work with. Guess I have to change my mindset towards him. Welcome abroad then! :)
Az is actually a nice, caring and thoughtful person to work with. Guess I have to change my mindset towards him. Welcome abroad then! :)
Anyway.... Had the above video with me all along but only today I managed to find it in the midst of my unorganised files. hehe. I miss the process of doing the shooting, the people, the craziness, the laughters etc... and ouh, I look horrible! Tsk.
I MISS BLOGGING.
Sunday 7 December 2014, 13:02
Hotel has been booked, so are the tickets. I am excited for the holiday. i need a gateway, away from here. After which, a suprise staycation for the parents for their 25th Anniversary. Happy advance 2 decades and 5 years together, ibu and ayah! Heh. Right after that, would be another staycation with the girlfriends. Awesomeness!
Recently, I heard many break-up stories, either from family members, friends, acquaintances or strangers. I may not be in their shoe to fully understand but i somehow understood the sadness they feel. It's not a nice feeling having to lose someone you love, the one you have been with for long and going through so many things together. Many said the longer you are with each other, the deeper the hurt will be. This statement, I would rebut totally. Personally, I feel time is not a factor. You may even be with someone for just 3 months but the quality is what matters. Quality includes the chemistry, the bond, the telepathy etc. And that, Quality may most likely overpower the Quantity.
Things happened for a reason. Allah swt would not shoulder his people with problems unless he knows it's meant the best for them. It is utterly sad knowing that a close friend had gone through a break up despite the plan of tying the sacred knot next year. More sad when we were all excited for the coming. However, I believe there is a reason behind the tragedy. My advice is to see this break up as a sign of self-improvment... as a light guiding through the way out from the current dim tunnel. Take this as an opportunity to learn independence and step up from the current level to the highest possible. Sometimes in life, you cant achieve happiness from one element (which probably through relationship), but you can always attain the happiness through other ways, such as be that person where you can carve a smile on another.. I'm sure having to see a smile on another's countenance is a joyous feeling you can ever feel. In turn, this would definitely instill a realization to you that life is not just about yourself and with God will's, this will also pull you closer to the creator, for all feelings you feel is from Him.
At times, you need to feel a deep level of hurt in order to change... or rather accept change. With change, you never know where it will lead you to. It might lead you to betterment. Always one would feel resistance to change because they are too comfortable with where they are standing. As no doubt, change may be hassle, but that is only in the beginning. Reminisce back those days when you had just started at where your current place is, wasnt it a hassle too? :)
I hope for those who are had recently gone through any kind of separation, don't lose hope, instill faith. You're stronger than that. And this will definitely make you stronger and improve you personally. In Shaa Allah.
Wednesday 3 December 2014, 11:28
On Monday, I witnessed 2 different kind of leaders. Even though going down the lane was a troublesome and an annoying one, but I am glad that I did on behalf of a colleague who was on course.
All this while, I have been learning theoretically about leadership. No doubt it seems easy and doable. But I guess, it is not. It takes experience and open-mindedness to be one.
The first leader that I encountered apparently was full of force and had no room for negotiations at all, which basically wants to do his job with ease. I was totally pissed. Even the new colleague felt like giving a slap across his face.
No doubt there were gaps in our finding and I admitted the mistake our team did. However, that doesn't mean the end of the tunnel. I tried giving a suggestion, looking at the urgency but it was totally mocked by him... with reason that it'll be too rushing for him to proceed. So much for being a HEAD. If given opportunity, I would have used my HAND to break his HEAD instead! We tried to bargain and keep on bargaining and in the end, all he could say was..... "It's not up to me to decide." Apparently his job was to recommend the penalty, which his recommendation was totally differs from ours. Not only that, his minute filled with killer words that seemingly wanted to kill us! What a bugger! Of cos, I had to rebut! Well, he told us to check his minute first before he proceeds to get the concurrence. And that, I guess I had the right to oppose... and keep on opposing. Oh, what do I care!
Seeing my obstinance (i think), he eventually told us to follow him for the concurrence. Fear. I was initially told by the group leader that we would be told to wait when the bugger asks for concurrence. Fear engulfed thinking that we would be barked at, especially seeing the obvious gaps in the finding. lol.
However, my prediction was wrong and it turned out otherwise instead. I am unsure of the seniority he possesses but definitely higher that the bugger, since concurrence is needed from him. Firstly, he tried describing the brief summary, to check if he got the facts right. Secondly, he asked whether if we would want to recommend any penalties on the C subject. (Luckily I was brief in-detailed about the statement of facts or I would have died from silence there instantly, tsk!) Yes, I tried using my answer to revenge the bugger who was sitting next to him. Spite him with words.. Well, I believe that's the least I could do to avenge my anger!
I replied saying that no doubt the C subject had obviously done wrong despite the deny. And then I added that, in order to charge the subject, I believe we couldnt just issue stern warn to the B subject, which means we plan to go all out on the C subject. Lol.
Well while answering, I was thinking that after the stern warn, B subject would definitely be repatriated and if C subject were to claim trial... how on earth would the trial be proceeded without B subject. And on top of that, I coudnt say that we're not gonna recommend anything for the C subject since we all know he's wrong. I donno how right my thinking was but I saw rational in it and I just poured it out. LOL. At that instant, i was feeling.. Damn, why on earth am I here?! I had to speak for myself since no seniors were with me and ALL i have was to say with confidence.. like macam paham! zzz. (Yes yes, at that point of time, I was actually sumpah seranah the team leader for asking me to replace the colleague LOL). So I thought that my mission to spite the bugger with my explanation failed big time. zzz.
But I guess I was lucky when he smiled as said he saw my point. And then, he continued....
In summary of what he said: In life, we have to think far ahead. Whatever our decision now, lies whether if there are consequences or benefits later. We have to foresee the future upcoming and always expect the worst scenario. Only then, if things don't go the right way, we know that we still have contingent planning to overcome the disaster.
Well, he then added, that goes the same as the recorded finding. For the matter, the thing that can help us, should either parties claim trial is the their own signatures. That is a way to proof the evidence. We cannot only depend on the verbal statement which we penned it down on paper. There would be a high possibility that the subject would deny the facts she earlier said and may even try to manipulate it. He continued that he is agreeable with the bugger's recommendation to stern warn due to the finding gaps. But, it is all still depend on us to lead the direction.. for the wrong and right is obviously laying before us.
I noted the mistake we did. And then, he asked for our suggestion if we have anything in mind. I gave the suggestion I suggested to the bugger earlier (which was mocked at!). And guess what! Before I was given a reply for my suggestion, the bugger interfered and said how I initially wanted a concurrent. Wah, I seriously felt like strangling him with my gigantic-man-like hands!
Oh, the other man then replied saying that looking at the technology we have now, it is possible especially looking at the urgency of the matter and the time period we have. We can make use of whatsapp and send the further information while they will send us the concurrence minute there after....only that, it is not a proper channel to follow. (wah, power la the man!) In the end, he was alright with my suggestion but it was rebutted again by the bugger, which his reason was.... it will be too rushing for them.. TSK. but I guess we were lucky that the man countered and said "if they rush, we will rush too" AWWWWW.... I guess, I pissed the bugger that day.. on Monday.
Came again the next day with the colleague who was on course previously. The colleague was pissed at him too. And i believe, he was pissed by the colleague's spite-R words. hohoho.
Basically, there is such a biggggggggg different in the way how the 2 leaders work.
1st leader (bugger): He was so irrational as he kept on saying that it will be too rushing for him. Thus, he would rather go the easy path knowing that it's wrong.. i mean OBVIOUSLY wrong. There IS time to mend things right but he chose to stubbornly and purposely oversee the ray of light... just so he could rest well for the day and night. (okay, feel like Im doing a poem here lol) Next, he mocked at us and kept on nailing us with our mistake. Well, hello. A mistake is already done.... and it cant be undone, duh! The only thing is to think of suggestion to overcome it, no?
2nd leader: He was the opposite. He dont nail our mistake right through our face. But he let us think whether if we had done a mistake and explain how serious this mistake may lead us to. He not only help us to see the picture but also guide us through an important lesson not only can be used for this matter but to other situation as well. Throughout his 'lesson', he was very calm and knowledgeable which inadvertently inspire us to improve and better our productivity and effectiveness.
With this, I believe I wont regret if I were to ever being kicked out from the workplace... as the takeaways I got from there is priceless :) Heh heh.
I guess, i should thank the group leader who told me to replace the colleague that day. lol.
Saturday 29 November 2014, 23:46
I'll be back.
Ouh how much I miss blogging.
I have truckloads to say, to complain etc.
I just need my rest.. my awesome rest till the year ends, before I embark on a NEW journey in January 2015.
Ouh, isn't it obvious between the lines?
Sunday 9 November 2014, 00:21
Ditched the princess today. Notwithstanding her cravings for Galare waffles ice cream, I chose to cancel our Saturdate. It's not an easy task, especially having to calm a sulking girl. No wonder there's a saying which says, "bila perempuan merajuk, padahnya buruk". haha. I can't agree more.
Well, I'm not spared from it or maybe, my respond would be worst. Prolly because I followed too much of my emotions that I cant seem to control them. Dee and Wats always say that one should be godly-patient in order to be with me. They are one pair of my girlfriends who knows be the best. This reminds me so much about what the boy once said once upon a time, that I shouldnt let my emotions be my master, instead I should be the one taking charge of them. He tolerated with my temperamental attitude well enough. I promised before him that I'll change but.... sadly, it seems that I don't.
"But plz, things that i teach u in our journey. do remmber it, and cherish it. every single moment. It helps in ur daily life. Hopefully it can help u bring far, Insyaallah. Senantiase doa atasmu dalam doaku. Ingat wahai sayang."
Part of the last email I received before his gone. When I close my eyes, I feel being in your embrace...and why is that so? No, I'm no longer hoping for him... but maybe I'm still living in his love.......his non-existance love which still exists to me. Maybe by this, I could stop myself from loving another. Maybe. And if yes, so be it. I can't afford to go through another tribulation. My heart is too numb for another round.
Anyhow, it's funny how sometimes when you tried all means to get away from crossing into a situation, that's when you would find yourself submerging into it, slowly and effortlessly. It's funny when you said your life is still complete even without having to share it with the other... but you realised it seems better and you feel stronger when your path collides with..... his. oh, what does that mean? It's funny how you'd say you had enough of all tearing and disappointment you went through in the past but you cant stop the urge to feel it once again when it comes to......him. And, it's super hilarious how you'd vowed to never give in to any soul but obediently you did/would to.....him.
.......
Maybe I should run. And if I cant, I should walk instead. And if i still can't, I'll have to crawl.... away and not forward.
Silence and Absence may be bitter in the beginning. But like medicines, it will definitely heal, wouldn't they? If this is a feeling, it'll neutralise soon. I mean, it has to.
"Dejavu di Kinabalu"... Somehow I find this drama is relatable with what I went and going through..
Saturday 8 November 2014, 14:07
Hmmmm.....
Kemusykilan merangkumi diri....
I shall continue with the explanation of the above statement after ODHRM's.
Hello, books! :)
Thursday 6 November 2014, 04:09
Kamu Segalanya Tak Terpisah Oleh Waktu
Biarkan Bumi Menolak
Ku Tetap Cinta Kamu
Biar Mama Mu Tak Suka
Papamu Juga Melarang
Walau Dunia Menolak
Ku Tak Takut
Tetap Ku Katakan Ku Cinta Dirimu....
i miss you. i still do. but you're no longer anywhere at sight.
I read our last email conversation. I know I shouldn't but it was unintended. It seems that you had to let go of me and that wasnt what you wanted to. Till today, even after 3 years, I am still finding the answer and I wouldnt rest in peace without knowing why.
You left me stranded alone all this years hoping for your return despite knowing very well that you wouldnt. But it's the hope that has kept me going all this years. They said I was once blinded by your love. Maybe they were true once upon a time but after all these years, is this still what it means by "blinded"?
Rmb those times when we used to question each other why we were chosen on top of many others, to be in the same school, same class, same home-school journey together and most important thing, to share such special close bond together.. Like those days, I can still feel you near... can you still?
Why were we met and why were feelings ignite when we had to let go in the end? Why were destined to be in the same class and got all closed when we had to leave for different specialisation at year 3? Why did we fall in love when we know it can never be? All these whys are distracting me.
I know I should have let you go. Facebook, instagram, twitter.. they don't have you in it at all. Maybe if you were to chance upon them, you would have thought that I may have forgotten. But deep down, do you think I could?
I COULD IF I WOULD. But ironically, even if i would, I couldnt.
I miss those days, the harsher we were, the bigger our love ignites.. Maybe we were younger those days, so bantering was the option. Maybe this is what it says as... kids' falling in love are the loveliest, the sweetest despite the harsh and annoyance. Maybe............
